a police state

It seems that I can no longer drive unencumbered. For the past two weekends, I have been accosted by Captain Chatty Cathy and Officer Fife. Guess I should be pleased, they are so concerned about my safety, but I'm annoyed. Don't you have a terrorist to catch?!

Last week's incident occurred after I left The Malcontents concert in Fairview. I pull out onto the major highway, get about a quarter-mile and then SAV {suburban assault vehicle} turns on stadium lighting to pull me over. Capt. Chatty Cathy proceeded to play 20 questions. He stated the reason for my stop was 'swerving' and proceeded to ask about my personal alcohol and drug habits. WTF?! Look at me?! Do I look like a drugged-out skank?! HELL-o!! I have a FULL set of teeth, you moron!! To make matters worse, he started questioning the Army duffel in my back seat. Try explaining that you spend Saturday night, playing Rock Band 2 with your peeps.

Between the hours of 10:30p and 1:00a, I am a sitting duck. This morning's incident was another jaw-dropper. Coming back from the theatre after seeing Friday the 13th, I get less than a quarter-mile from my very own house and the sheriff's car flashes everything. WTF?! He comes up on the driver's side and upon seeing me goes, 'Oh, excuse me. Do you live on this road?' WTF?! No, I am just randomly driving on some country-ass road for my health?! HELL-o! Chi-chi-chi-ah-ah-ah... Jason?! He goes on to say that my dark tint prevented him from seeing me, that they are looking for someone who drives a car fitting this description and that I should 'have a safe night'. FFS!

You can't help but laugh, but d*mn. Just because I drive an amazingly shiny, dark-tinted {factory tint, mind you} black sedan does not give you carte blanche to annoy the Hades out of me. Go beat your wife and leave me alone.