personal commentary: 2011 Airing of Grievances

Happy Festivus!! Due to egregious circumstances the airing of grievances comes three days late.  I was distracted by tinsel!  I got a lot of problems with you people!  But lucky for you, the lateness of the hour prevents my tirade from being of epic proportions. 

Oatmeal -- Your very existence I find loathsome.  You are a gelatinous slop that preys on the tasteless palates of young and old.  A healthy alternative to cold cereal?  Nay!  You are a disgusting muck of fibrous grain that is better used as spackle.  You have successfully ingratiated yourself onto the breakfast table under the guise of health.  You may be a comfort to the cold bones of people who, in their oldness, seek reassurance in the muck. I see you for what you actually are--disgusting!

The Digital Joneses -- You are the reason I feel inadequate.  You are the reason I join Twitter and Pinterest.  You are the reason I have an overwhelming desire to own an iMac, iPod, iPad and iPhone and why iSit at the Starbucks to show them off.  They all do the same thing!!  Why the hell do I need one of each?!  Because The Digital Joneses say I do.

Rudeness --  It's not cute.  It's never acceptable.  Male or female.  Rudeness will always be rude.  If we, as a collective society, want to remain homo sapiens then a return to civility is a must.  Look no further than the healthy reverence modeled in Richard Attenborough's Planet Earth.  If the beast and the fowl of this Earth can love and respect one another, why the hell can't we?

Elf on a Shelf -- Parents everywhere are scaring the crap out of their children under the guise of inane Facebook posts and cutesty pics.  Not only have you lied about an obese man that visits every December, a rabbit that brings eggs, and a fairy that collects teeth, you're perpetuating a creepy-ass elf to keep your kids in line?!  Years of therapy won't undo the travesty perpetrated under the ruse of Elf on a Shelf.

True Blood/Twilight --  While I considered a stance on grievances for vampires, my grievance is on behalf of vampires.  I don't think sparkly-a$$ed vampires are what Bram had in mind.  The Twilight series is a poorly-written romance novel for idiot tweeners and unfulfilled soccer moms everywhere.  Readers of this saga deserve a better story to love than this bubble gum vampire and uninspired klutz of.  Bring back the cold eroticism of Lestat.  Speaking of which, could rip the hearts out of the residents of Bon Temps.  It vexes me that a television show starring Bill the Vampire and Sookie the Virginal White Trash Human has lasted this long.  I hate you all!  For the record, Anne Rice could take Stephenie Meyer and Charlaine Harris.  You know it, too!

Personal Responsibility -- You should try it.  Make a decision.  Own it.  Better yet, why don't you just try accepting your sorry behaviour and quit making excuses?!  Quit looking for absolution in your peers or reassurance in social media.  You're a jerk because you choose to be jerk, not because you're mother didn't love you enough.  Quit pointing blame at everyone.  It's fucked up because YOU fucked it up.

The Ladykillers (2004)

This is the Coen brothers trying too hard: a great cast has been overwrought in this witless farce of crude jokes, bad accents and stereotypes. 

See the 1955 original starring Sir Alec Guiness and Peter Sellers if you prefer your comedy quirky, but smart.

Nowhere Boy (2009)

Few people realize how crucially formative John Lennon’s earlier years were. This biopic examines just that in a decidedly unbiased but volatile way. John (Aaron Johnson) was raised by his Aunt Mimi (Kristen Scott Thomas) since he was a young lad. When he is suddenly reunited with his mom, Julia (Anne-Marie Duff) at 15, he becomes torn between the two loves of his life. The sisters battle for his affections and unknowingly shape music and generational icon.

Nowhere Boy is a succinct film that focuses on the often-overlooked early years of the famous Beatle. Director Sam Taylor Wood’s approach straightforward, introducing the viewer to key players in John’s life. The strict seemingly cold Aunt Mimi who discouraged John’s interest in music and encouraged art. The overly affectionate free-spirited Julia who is more of best friend than mother. From his first mouth organ courtesy of Uncle George to the banjo lessons by his mother, Nowhere Boy quantifies the influences of John’s younger years including his friendship with Pete Shotton, his introduction to Howlin’ Jack and Elvis and the St. Peter’s Church festival that would herald the coming of the greatest writing partnership ever…

Nowhere Boy is a solid period film. Set in postwar England, the film looks great thanks to its attention to detail.  Watching John’s evolution from pretty boy to Teddy Boy is smart. Casting is spot-on. Aaron Johnson doesn’t so much look like John as much as he channels mannerism and Johns acerbic wit and rebellious nature.

As I see it, Nowhere Boy makes a beautiful companion piece to two other films released this year that examine Lennon’s short but influential lifetime.  Nowhere Boy is the beginning of a journey.  Lennon Naked is a man confused during that journey.  LennonNYC is an enviable man who's journey is complete.

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978)

Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band is one of the finest Beatles albums, and sadly, it’s also the name of this campy story starring 1970s music icons like The BeeGees, Peter Frampton, Billy Preston, Earth Wind & Fire, Alice Cooper and Aerosmith (as the Future Villain Band singing ‘Come Together.’)

As much as I wish to declare this musical an abomination, there is something strangely good about it. The only thing The Beatles have in common with this film is the music. The film—a loose concept story of Billy Shears and his band hitting it big and leaving the wholesome town of Heartland and Shears’ girlfriend Strawberry Fields behind. Heartand is taken over by Mr. Mustard. Strawberry goes to find Billy and the band to help save the city. There’s some horrible plot to destroy decency and Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.

Watching and listening to Frampton and Co muck about in crazy tight pants and colorful half-opened shirts is nuts! There is no actual dialogue spoken—it’s all sung and sometimes badly. (See aforementioned Earth Wind & Fire singing ‘Got to get you into My Life’.) George Burns narrates the film. The acting is, well, this is The BeeGees and Peter Frampton we’re talking about here. It’s awful too. The skateboards, the hair, the sad special effects… well, it’s awful and therein lies the charm.

The cast—no matter how wooden—is fun to watch. Barry and Maurice Gibb are hysterical. Steve Martin pops up for ‘Maxwell’s Silver Hammer’—utterly nonsensical and oddly charming. You don’t who or what to expect. Barry Gibb singing my personal favorite ‘A Day in the Life’. Billy Preston pops up shooting sparks, singing ‘Get Back’ and zapping Peter Frampton. Hearland City Hall looks strangely familiar—like the museum in the remake of House of Wax.

As I see it, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band is hysterical. The randomness (Frampton and Steve Tyler ‘fight’ it out, the brothers Gibb rescuing the chick) and poor acting is funny enough to watch because of the people in it. A cult film if there ever was one.

The Toy Stories (1995) (1999) (2010)

It’s hard to imagine that back in 1995 Disney and Pixar knew they were creating a new classic. Fifteen years later and we have a trio of amazing stories filled with genuine heart and authentic characters that everyone (with a soul) connects with. The main characters just happen to be toys and the story very personal.

In the first story, we meet our toys. ‘Old faithful’ a cowboy known as Woody (Tom Hanks) feels threatened when his boy Andy gets space ranger Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen). Intimidated and insecure, Woody takes an immediate dislike to the bells and whistles of Buzz. The film excels on many different levels. But for a babysitting junior high-schooler (me) watching it with her charges, it was funny to them and heartwarming for me. In retrospect, there was and still is an immediate connection to your childhood and those toys you held most dear. The ones that had a special place on the bed when you were told to clean up while the rest when in the box.

Toy Story 2 rolled out in 1999. Skeptical of the sequel—I didn’t see this film until 2000—I shrugged it off as a ‘Disney Pixar money grab’. How very wrong. Again, I was amazed at how emotionally connected I was to this story of toys director by John Lasseter. At 20, you’re not quite old enough for nostalgia, but toys are clearly in the rearview mirror. Still, the storyline of Woody being a collector’s item and being held hostage by one resonated for a time when eBay was at its peak and my brother and I are visiting every Wal-Mart to complete a Star Wars figures collection.

2010 and along comes Toy Story 3. I laughed when friends mentioned ‘crying’ at the film’s climax. My nieces mentioned it being scary. Somewhere between 20 and 30, nostalgia set in. For me, Toy Story 3 is not only another adventure for Buzz, Woody, T-Rex and the Potato Heads it’s a trip down memory lane. It’s revisiting that special bond between a child and their toys. Not all of them—just the special ones. Parents and kids alike will identify with this film on some level. Maybe it's the toys, maybe it is Andy. Regardless, there is something special here, something to be treasured, and something not to be missed.

Nanny McPhee Returns (2010)

Nanny McPhee (Emma Thompson) returns in this sequel to the 2005 film. Nanny McPhee arrives to help the Green family with her special blend of magic and discipline. Mrs. Green (Maggie Gyllenhaal) is struggling to cope in her husband’s (Ewan McGregor) absence due to WWII. Not only is she left to work and save the family farm, she must also care for her three small children and their two cousins.

In theory, Nanny McPhee Returns should work. The love Emma Thompson has for this character is apparent. But unlike the original, Nanny McPhee lacks charm, spunk, and cohesion. The film had a great cast including Ralph Fiennes and Dame Maggie Smith—but this hodge-podge of scenes and poo jokes isn’t. The surrealistic atmosphere set at the height of the war effort is an odd element, but again, could have worked if the viewer wasn’t as detached as I felt.

As I see it, Nanny McPhee Returns could be entertaining for the 6-10 age group. Fans of the first best be prepared for the same great nanny is a less that great production.

Red (2010)

An altogether entertaining movie that pokes fun at itself and others. The wizened cast includes Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren, and Brian Cox as an ensemble of retired CIA operatives. When a hit is taken out on Frank Moses (Willis), he goes on the run to save his own life and that of his former team who have been classified as Retired and Extremely Dangerous.

The success of Red is in the fact the film doesn’t take itself too seriously. Willis and Co. executes a pitch perfect blend of sarcasm and humor in this shark-jumping action comedy. The cast is obviously having fun, enjoying one another’s company. Fortunately, the viewer gets to ride along. Willis is essentially playing himself, swagger and wit-filled. John Malkovich gets a great turn as the mad conspiracy theorist of the group. Helen Mirren is a great surprise and tempers the comedy with class. Also along are Ernest Borgnine and Karl Urban. (Why did his star quit shining?)

As I see it, Red is not Oscar winning material. The plot is perfectly predictable, but it doesn’t matter. Red is too good of a good time for anyone to care.

Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World (2010)

Slacker and aspiring rocker Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera) falls in love with an Amazon.com delivery girl named Ramona (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). To win her love, he is unwittingly committed to defeating her seven evil exes in the Mortal Kombat-esque battles.

Although I’m unfamiliar with the source material of Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is doesn’t keep me from enjoying this strange little film. Hyper-kinetic, viscerally engaging, the film feels like (not speaking from experience here) like a crack addiction.

The action herein is tongue-in-cheek, steeped in pop culture, and just cool. It’s as if you and Edgar Wright have an inside joke. For those remotely interested in video games (like myself), it’s fun. For those epic gamers, I imagine there’s a whole other layer for you.

Director Edgar Wright—who hasn’t made a bad movie yet—channels Cera’s laid back demeanor and uses it alongside a great supporting cast that includes Kerian Culkin as a snarky gay roommate, Brandon Routh and Chris Evans evil-exes, Allison Pill as a bandmate and an unexpected Jason Schwartzman to create a smart romantic comedy for a younger generation. It’s like You’ve Got Mail for Generation Y.

As I see it, Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World is self-aware without being obnoxious. It’s witty and and stylized and quite possibly Michael Cera’s best to date.

Buried (2010)

Ryan Reynolds buried in a box—simple premise with mixed results. As a civilian contractor in Iraq, Paul Conroy (Reynolds) is attacked and kidnapped. He wakes up to find himself buried alive with a Zippo lighter, a Blackberry, a full flask, a couple of glow sticks, a knife and some pocket lint.

Buried is equal parts psychological thriller and sociopolitical commentary. Given the limited setting, both director Rodrigo Cortés and Reynolds have to get creative to convey claustrophobic terror with pretty good results. There are few laughable WTF moments that fully extinguish any suspense the viewer builds. But Reynolds gives a commendable performance to the end and keeps the viewer engaged despite the hiccups.

As I see it, Buried is a memorable thriller thanks to Reynolds. He continues to solidify himself as a Hollywood contender. Nerd Alert: Listen for Stephen Tobolowsky.

DeVil (2010)

A mechanic, a young lady, a security guard, an old woman and a mattress salesman step into a busy downtown elevator little do they know the devil is among them. These seemingly random people become trapped in the elevator and a grieving recovering alcoholic Detective Bowden races to save them before the devil collects them all.

Devil is a solid thriller from the mind of M. Night Shyamalan. Exploring the idea that there are no coincidences, Devil is equally riveting and horrifying. Between the flickers of light and grainy security cam footage, the group begins to turn on each other as the detective and fellow security guards look on. Directors John Erick Dowdle (Quarantine) and Drew Dowdle effectively build Shyamalan’s story with a moody score and just enough tight frames. Claustrophobia and fear mount as each one tips the scale. Adding to the suspense is the voice-over of the overtly religious Hispanic security guard. Narrating the events of the elevator based on his beliefs adds a nice touch.

As I see it, Devil is simple in its execution, but it’s the idea—bad things happen for a reason—that goes on to make it worth watching.

Freakonomics (2010)

If you’ve read the book, then you know what the movie is about.  A myriad of filmmakers bring to life chapters from the amazing book of the same name by economists Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner.  Exploring the rampant cheating in Sumo wresting, if your name makes you more like to secure a good life, and if Roe V. Wade inadvertently created a drop in crime, the movie—as in the book—raises interesting questions.  Using statistics to prove or disprove theories, Freakonomics, the movie and the book are insightful.

Black Swan (2010)

Black Swan is a terrifying descent into madness from director Darren Aronofsky. Moody and atmospheric, the film takes the viewer on a delusional trip where you are never really sure who or which of your senses to trust. Every element of this film works beautifully to create mirage of fear and passion.

Smart casting takes the film to another level. Natalie Portman is exquisite at the fragile dancer Sayers. The evolution from virginal ballerina to hardened prima donna is brilliant. Portman plays her masterfully. Her character is so multi-faceted, so physically and emotionally obsessed. Portman deserves an Oscar. As her obsession grows, the viewer is equally repulsed and intrigued. Barbara Hershey as Sayers mom is unsettling in every sense of the word—another beautiful turn. Mila Kunis role as new rival ballerina Lily is parlayed into a thrilling paradox. Vincent Cassel is the company director whose brilliance is only outshined by his lust for his dancers.

There is an unsettling intensity herein thanks to Aronofsky. His direction is calculated for optimum effect. His ability to capture the erosion of the psyche is amazing. Every frame is calculated for optimum effect. The film oozes with an eerie and unsettling fragility that no words can do justice. The score is vibrates your soul.  In retrospect, this film could have been silent in nature and just as effective.

As I see it, one word can describe Black Swan. Intensity—of which you have never experienced. Black Swan is difficult to watch, but even more difficult to turn away from.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (2008)

Eight-year old Bruno’s (Asa Butterfield) life is uprooted when his family moves from their home in Berlin to a new home in Poland so that his soldier father (David Thewlis) may continue his important work. Young Bruno sees a farm from his new bedroom window where everyone seems to be wearing striped pajamas. Isolated and curious, Bruno befriends Shmuel, a boy who lives on the other side of the fence. Unaware of the boy’s fate as a Jew, Bruno provides food and companionship to Shmuel out of his own loneliness. Educated by his tutor, Bruno soon becomes conflicted by his friendship with a Jew. When confronted, he denies Shmuel. But in an act of reconciliation, Bruno embarks on a dangerous journey inside the prison camp.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is another unforgettable film on the subject of the Holocaust. Told from a German boy’s perspective, this film is beautiful in its detail and somber in its execution.  It's amazingly atmospheric.

The cast is superb despite glaring English accents. And although you could take to task such a glaring oversight in another production, that criticism is quickly put to rest thanks to such incredible performances. Vera Farmiga as Bruno’s naïve mother who begins to question her husband’s role in the war is exquisite. David Thewlis as Bruno’s father whom fully believes in the Third Reich, but wants to protect his family from the ugliness of the extermination. Thewlis is a pitch perfect cold father/soldier. But it is young Asa Butterfield who speaks volumes with his inquisitive eyes that carries the film. His innocence and naiveté is enviable. And as Bruno discovers the hard realities before him, it is the viewer alongside Bruno who feels the wind blow cold and your heart break. David Hayman as Pavel—he is supposed to be a supporting character, but his role as a doctor turned Jewish prisoner of war and house servant epitomizes the subject matter.

Even with all it’s faults (underdeveloped Schmuel, underutilized Thewlis, bad accents) nothing can prepare you for The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. As I see it, much like The Pianist or Schindler’s List, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas has you consider yet another view—one that forces you to see the beauty in the ugliness, one that saddens you when something so innocent is destroyed by ignorance.

Picture Me: A Model's Diary (2009)

Sara Ziff is the unlikely supermodel covered in this documentary.  With girl next door good looks, Sara and her filmmaker boyfriend, Ole track Sara's rise to international model in this fascinating documentary.  Recorded over a few years, Picture Me pulls the curtain back on the glamorous world of modeling.

Picture Me is fascinating.  What makes it interesting is Sara herself.  The young woman is torn between the incredible opportunities presented by the business of modeling (money, fame, travel) and security of pursing higher education.  She decides to ride her star as far as it will take her.  The film documents the highs (paychecks, people, clothes) and lows (exhaustion, exploitation, working conditions) and the ultimate toll it takes on the women who pursue a career in modeling.  Sara's endearing manor and the honesty of her peers is insightful.  Whether on the catwalk or at a photoshoot, these girls all want the same thing: security--they just happened to choose modeling as a career.

As I see it, Picture Me won't incite reform like Sinclair's The Jungle, but it does provide an interesting and often critical look at the industry.

Cemetery Junction (2010)

This 1970s coming of age story set in an English suburb has a trio of friends struggling to break free of their middle class backgrounds.  This labor of love from writer/directors Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant was just a labor for me.

Going the Distance (2010)

Just over relationships, Erin (Drew Barrymore) and Garrett (Justin Long) hook up thanks to a mutual interest in Centipede. As the summer comes to an end, so must their fling. Erin, heading back to San Francisco to finish school, leaves Garrett behind in New York. Traveling between coasts, awkward family introductions, and miscommunications are just some of the challenges that the couple must navigate to keep their relationship alive.

Beneath the film's raunchy covering is a funny look at long distance relationships.  The chemistry between Barrymore and Long is undeniable. Just as in Fever Pitch the duo is quirky cute here. The supporting cast of Christina Applegate, Jim Gaffigan, Jason Sudekis, and Ron Livingston add another level of funny. The dialogue is shallow, but quick.

As I see it, Going the Distance is a straightforward rom-com. It’s a fresh take on the original formula that guys and gals will both appreciate.

The Ricky Gervais Show: Season One (2010)

Based on the podcasts of the same name, The Ricky Gervais Show is essentially three animated characters: Gervais, Stephen Merchant, and Karl Pilkington sitting in a radio studio debating the finer points of inane topics like nudist colonies and having children.  It's actually just Gervais and Merchant making fun of stupid random stuff the Pilkington says.

Only fans of Gervais would truly enjoy the stupidity of it all.  Consider me one.  As I see it, The Ricky Gervais Show makes a better podcast that animated series, but either way you have a laugh.

Knight and Day (2010)

On a plane flight back to prepare for her sister’s wedding June (Cameron Diaz) meets the mysterious Roy (Tom Cruise). The plane isn’t off the ground before June is dragged into a crazed adventure involving thrilling car chases, dangerous gunfights, and intense confrontations. One drugged moment after another and June isn’t sure which way is up on this campaign to stay alive. Who is Roy Miller? We all want to know.

This far-fetched action comedy from director James Mongold is as mess-terpiece. With plot holes large enough for Tom Cruise’s ego, Knight and Day is just awful. It’s ‘wham-bam-thank you, mamam’ on steroids. Also along for the ride are Peter Sarsgaard, Paul Dano, Viola Davis and Maggie Grace. All these beautiful people and locations are just mucked up with useless unfunny dialogue and mindless action. The film is poorly edited to boot.  One chopped scene after another with no continuity, just one flashy grin after another.

As I see it, Knight and Day is pure popcorn entertainment—burnt. Too frantic, too flashy, too choppy. Who is Roy Miller? Trust me, you don’t care.

Eat Pray Love (2010)

After a divorce, Liz (Julia Roberts) travels the world to find herself. With stops in Italy, India and Bali, Liz finds new friends, forgiveness, confidence, food, love, acceptance, and ultimately, herself.
 
Eat Pray Love is based on the best-selling memoir of the same name. Having no exposure to the source material, I can’t speak to its faithfulness; but the film is beautiful thanks in part to Julia Roberts. The evolution of the main character makes the story interesting.  As Liz, Roberts is captivating if somewhat annoying as she wallows in self-pity. Though each stage of her travels, her character makes subtle changes.  In Italy she learns to eat again. In India, she rediscovers herself with the help of Richard Jenkins. In Bali, she finds love with Javier Bardem. I wouldn’t complain.  What really nags me is this:  with a running time of nearly three hours, the filme really should contain more substance.
 
So, as I see it… Eat Pray Love tries to be profound. It’s not, but it is inspirational on some level. The heroine carries on despite the naysayers and ultimately finds what she’s looking for. Eat Pray Love is entertaining because of it’s beauty—both texturally and visually. It’s like Sex in the City only less vapid.