I know what it is now. Sometimes I wish my worries and self-doubt could be washed away like my shampoo.
In the course of my day I mix with all sorts of people. The blue collar, the high roller, the soccer mom, the trophy wife, the old and young. Most days, it's no bother. Some days, like today, it gets to me.
In floods the self-doubt and I begin to think. Where am I now? What have I become? Where am I heading? Days like this I allow the people around me to have undue influence; they get in my head and my thoughts screw with me.
Tonight, on the long commute home, I thought. "Maybe these are the best days of my life and I don't even realize it." I wonder. Am I so caught up in comparing myself with my brothers/friends/co-workers/acquaintances and their seeming accomplishments that I don't recognize my own?!
I haven't felt like this in ages. It feels like I'm 16 age. This feeling of not belonging, not being like everyone else. Not having the experience that others bond over. I feel like an outsider.
I am. Taking a step back. I am an outsider; outside is a remarkable place to be. Embrace it and it is a powerful thing. It makes you different; it brings attention. Ultimately, though, it is up to you to make that difference count.
...I want to say, "I'm living them."
Thursday, June 12, 2008
"Whenever I look back on the best days of my life...
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2 comments:
Just wanted say, that whatever's going on with you... hope it turns out alright. Don't leave without an email, k?
Man it couldnt of been beter said. I just typed in google "whenever i look back at the best days of my life." and i read this..and the things you said somehow related to me. i just want to let you know your not alone...and im glad im not alone..i guess we are just people that have deep thoughts about the same things regular people think about but not in depth. I think we are a very rare kind of person but hasent been specifyed as a category of people yet. i just thought i was depressed..but im just different. Thanx for that piece of writing man it helped me.
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