Moonrise Kingdom (2012)

Regardless of what the critics or my fellow-movie goes say, I won't see a better film this summer.  Sure, there are other great films out this season, but Moonrise Kingdom with Wes Anderson's delightful story-telling, superb dialogue, and thoughtful soundtrack will rein.  Now that you know I love the film, allow me to tell you why.

It's a story made for summer.  Adventure, camp, benign youthful wanderlust... whatever you call it, the young Suzy (Kara Hayward) and Sam (Jared Gilman) fall in love and plot to run off together forever is the epitome of youthful dreams.  It's the local townspeople who besmirch the innocent relationship that is not entered into lightly by our two protagonists.

The cast imbues a lovely reticent tone. Anderson's muses... Bill Murray and Jason Schwartzman are flanked by Frances McDormand, Tilda Swinton, and Bruce Willis--who takes a lovely understated tone as Captain Sharp.  And finally!!  Someone understands the greatness that is Edward Norton.  Anderson does not bother with unneeded character development.  The adults are merely flawed adults who impose their own misgivings onto the children in their care.

Anderson's humor has not dulled.  With delightful names like Lazy Eye, Nickleby, Skotak and Gadge, Anderson's characters provide understated laughter and sweetness without the cloying sentimentality. Children are mean, so Anderson's streak of viciousness and black humor are present without being gratuitous.

From the opening frames to the closing credits, charm seeps out of every detail.  The illustrated book covers, the Khaki Scouts uniforms... stylistically speaking, Anderson have created an alternate universe in 1965 that maintains the nostalgia and embraces the sadness of reality.

And finally, the musicality of the soundtrack is quintessentially Anderson's.  Who else would have the guts to pair Hank Williams with Schubert and Mozart?

As I see it, Moonrise Kingdom is for the child in all of us.  The one we so neatly tuck way as we age.  The one that slowly dies as we spend out days in a cubicle.  The one who remembers when all you needed was a compass and a coonskin cap for life's grand adventures.

Rock of Ages (2012)

Rock of Ages is a train wreck--an incredibly cheesy, super corny and undeniably entertaining train wreck.  What else would you expect from director Adam Shankman?!  In a movie that pulls the greatest tunes from Journey, Def Leppard, Twisted Sister, Foreigner, Joan Jett, Poison, Bon Jovi and Night Ranger and proceeds to whirl them around an ensemble cast of odd-balls, you won't get an Oscar nominee.  What you do get is a hot damn mess.

Centered around a love story between Julianne Hough and some dude, it's the musicality of the film that's worth a watch... and the corny delivery from the likes of Russell Brand, Alec Baldwin, Paul Giamatti, and Tom Cruise.  I was a little worried when Julianne Hough (of Dancing with the Stars fame) tries to belt Sister Christian, but if you embrace the film for it's hedonistic ways and satirical smarts--you are guaranteed a good time.

Mad props to Tom Cruise who plays Stacee Jaxx (part Brett Michaels, part Buddhist monk) with conviction.  Staring into the blue soulless eyes, you can feel the pain of Cruise/Jaxx.  This viewer cringed (and secretly wondered) if Cruise was crying out for help when as Jaxx, Cruise answers the Rolling Stone reporter 'I know me better than anyone... because I live in here... and nobody else can.'

Cringe-worthy moments include just about every scene with Julianne Hough and the Baldwin/Brand rendition of 'I Can't Fight this Feeling Anymore'.  Mary J. Blige adds class.  Constantine Maroulis detracts.  Brian Cranston, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Paul Giamatti are well...so brave, so awesome.

As I see it, Rock of Ages is ballsy, walking the line between the glorious excess of rock and roll and nut shots to pop-culture as we've come to know it.  The film revels it it's self awareness and for that reason--much like its many predecessors--Hairspray, Saturday Night Fever, Spinal Tap, Grease--Rock of Ages is a glorious success.

Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)

Snow White and the Huntsman finds everyone's favorite perpetually grimaced soon-to-be-vampire Kristen Stewart as the titular character.  Miss Stewart's pale complexion and equally uninteresting expression, um, pale in comparison to Charlize Theron is a role she seems to relish.

As Ravenna, Charlize Theron imbues bitterness and evil.  Cold hatred drips from her fingertips and spews from her eloquent mouth.  Alongside Theron, Stewart is merely a beautiful one-note character.  It is Ravenna this viewer sought to understand.

The story is narrated by The Huntsman.  Known solely at such, Chris Hemsworth's Huntsman is utilitarian.  He advances the story admirably, but never manages to become more (interesting) than a sad, widowed drunkard.

The real star of this show is design.  Costume and set design is fascinating!  True film fans will find so much to take in.  The Dark Forest is delightfully eerie with one foot in reality and the other in a creepy fantasy.  The dwarfs were charming.  We never really know them by name, but such thought was taken in crafting the costume, viewers can easily identify with each.  Ian McShane, Nick Frost, and Brian Gleeson give a turn as the diminutive characters.

Snow White and the Huntsman follows more closely to the Brothers Grimm dark story than Disney's masterpiece.  Harsh, yet redemptive.  Evil, yet hopeful.  Kudos to the screenwriters for a nice balance of fantasy and social jabs.

I'd be remiss if I didn't call director Rupert Sanders on his composition.  Frame after frame, I found myself comparing key scenes to LOTR.  Let's just say the battle for Helm's Deep, the Shire, and that long walk to Mordor have to be his inspiration.

As I see it, Snow White and the Huntsman is entertaining, if forgettable.  You will find nothing more earth-shattering than a brilliant performance by Theron.

personal commentary: 2011 Airing of Grievances

Happy Festivus!! Due to egregious circumstances the airing of grievances comes three days late.  I was distracted by tinsel!  I got a lot of problems with you people!  But lucky for you, the lateness of the hour prevents my tirade from being of epic proportions. 

Oatmeal -- Your very existence I find loathsome.  You are a gelatinous slop that preys on the tasteless palates of young and old.  A healthy alternative to cold cereal?  Nay!  You are a disgusting muck of fibrous grain that is better used as spackle.  You have successfully ingratiated yourself onto the breakfast table under the guise of health.  You may be a comfort to the cold bones of people who, in their oldness, seek reassurance in the muck. I see you for what you actually are--disgusting!

The Digital Joneses -- You are the reason I feel inadequate.  You are the reason I join Twitter and Pinterest.  You are the reason I have an overwhelming desire to own an iMac, iPod, iPad and iPhone and why iSit at the Starbucks to show them off.  They all do the same thing!!  Why the hell do I need one of each?!  Because The Digital Joneses say I do.

Rudeness --  It's not cute.  It's never acceptable.  Male or female.  Rudeness will always be rude.  If we, as a collective society, want to remain homo sapiens then a return to civility is a must.  Look no further than the healthy reverence modeled in Richard Attenborough's Planet Earth.  If the beast and the fowl of this Earth can love and respect one another, why the hell can't we?

Elf on a Shelf -- Parents everywhere are scaring the crap out of their children under the guise of inane Facebook posts and cutesty pics.  Not only have you lied about an obese man that visits every December, a rabbit that brings eggs, and a fairy that collects teeth, you're perpetuating a creepy-ass elf to keep your kids in line?!  Years of therapy won't undo the travesty perpetrated under the ruse of Elf on a Shelf.

True Blood/Twilight --  While I considered a stance on grievances for vampires, my grievance is on behalf of vampires.  I don't think sparkly-a$$ed vampires are what Bram had in mind.  The Twilight series is a poorly-written romance novel for idiot tweeners and unfulfilled soccer moms everywhere.  Readers of this saga deserve a better story to love than this bubble gum vampire and uninspired klutz of.  Bring back the cold eroticism of Lestat.  Speaking of which, could rip the hearts out of the residents of Bon Temps.  It vexes me that a television show starring Bill the Vampire and Sookie the Virginal White Trash Human has lasted this long.  I hate you all!  For the record, Anne Rice could take Stephenie Meyer and Charlaine Harris.  You know it, too!

Personal Responsibility -- You should try it.  Make a decision.  Own it.  Better yet, why don't you just try accepting your sorry behaviour and quit making excuses?!  Quit looking for absolution in your peers or reassurance in social media.  You're a jerk because you choose to be jerk, not because you're mother didn't love you enough.  Quit pointing blame at everyone.  It's fucked up because YOU fucked it up.

The Ladykillers (2004)

This is the Coen brothers trying too hard: a great cast has been overwrought in this witless farce of crude jokes, bad accents and stereotypes. 

See the 1955 original starring Sir Alec Guiness and Peter Sellers if you prefer your comedy quirky, but smart.